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Father and Son

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By the time Sam pulled himself away from the relaxing rush of water that eased his heavy mind, he found that Dean had fallen back to sleep. A quick glance at the time and Sam knew he couldn’t blame him. The first light of day began to filter in through a gap in the dark curtains and Sam found himself tugging on some jeans and a shirt before disappearing out the door.

Sam used to love watching sunrises. He remembered sneaking out when he was a kid and he thought his Dad and Dean were sleeping. He used to always find the perfect spot, even if it meant climbing onto the roof of some building. He’d sit there and just watch, hugging his knees in a vain attempt at trying to keep warm. It was always worth it, seeing those colours slowly spread across the sky and that one magnificent glowing orb that signified the start of a new day.

His Dad had found him several times and every time he did, he’d join Sam silently and they’d watch together. No words were exchanged because no words were needed. Occasionally they’d share a look that spoke far louder than any word, a little smile was exchanged between the two and when the sun was fully up, they’d both return to the room or apartment they were staying in where his Dad would have a go at making breakfast and Sam would go and wake Dean.

But those special moments between him and his father were few and far between. When he’d left for Stanford, he used to wake early without even trying and ended up taking a cooling walk, watching the sun as he went. Jess joined him once or twice, she said she found it very romantic but by the time they got back, she just wanted to crawl back into bed. The last sunrise he’d watched had been back with Madison… waiting for that moment of truth that never came because the lie and curse was too thick. If he’d seen any sunrises since then, he hadn’t paid them any attention. Memories still too painful - his Dad, his Jess and now Madison.

“What you doing out here?” A warm and strong voice broke through his thoughts. He turned to look at his brother.

“Just thinking.” Sam replied simply and Dean took a seat next to him.

“Dad used to do that.” Dean sighed, “Morning after you’d left… I found him outside the motel. Thinking. He thought a lot after you left… guess he missed those mornings you two thought I never knew about.”

Sam frowned, “What do you mean?”

Dean merely shrugged and turned away, watching the sun. Sam kept the frown on his face but did the same; he never saw the sad smile that crossed Dean’s lip or the silent flicker of jealousy that flashed for just a moment in his ever watchful eyes.

They sat in silence, just watching and thinking for a good half an hour before Dean groaned and stretched, pushing himself up and into a standing position. He began walking back to the motel and within seconds Sam was by his side, still wondering what Dean had meant.

“You wanna go to a diner or something for something to eat?” Sam suggested.

Dean grimaced and shook his head, “After throwing my guts up earlier… still don’t quite feel like eating. Hell, I may never eat again.”

“Somehow I doubt that.” Sam mocked, gently laughing as Dean tried his best to put on an innocent face of confusion.

“I have no idea what you mean.”

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The majority of the day was spent in a similar fashion to last few days, researching. And just like the past few days, both brothers had yet to find anything. They deliberately avoided the library; Dean claimed he didn’t know when he was next going to throw up but Sam knew he just didn’t feel comfortable going anywhere near the librarian. So they took turns on the laptop instead and by one o’clock, Sam decided he could go no longer without food.

Dean still claimed he wasn’t hungry and said he’d stay with the laptop while Sam went out and got something to eat. That didn’t stop him eating the double cheeseburger and fries that Sam brought back for him nearly an hour later, along with a large soda.

“How’s it going?” Sam asked, finishing his own soda and throwing his rubbish in the bin at the other side of the room with a perfect aim.

“I don’t even know what I’m looking for.” Dean pushed the laptop away from him and placed his head on the table, “I’ve got a vague description of a girl that kinda sounds like at least a third of the girls that I’ve slept with and when it comes to that son of a bitch… I still don’t know what I’m looking for. I called the Roadhouse; line was busy so I guess we’ll just have to try again later.”

“You think Ash might have something?”

Dean shrugged, never raising his head from the spot on the table, “Maybe… maybe not. But if we at least know if he’s meant to be in town then that’s a start.”

“At least we know this has something to do with him.” Sam span the laptop around to see what Dean had been looking at. He looked at Dean from the corner of his eye and took a deep breath, “Dean… what did you mean earlier?”

“When earlier?” Dean asked, finally lifting his head.

“This morning – outside.”

Dean pulled a face and shrugged again and if Sam didn’t know Dean so well, he would have passed the gesture off as an ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’. Instead he knew it was an ‘I don’t want to talk about it and if you push me I’ll shut you out and close down.’. So Sam left it and glanced around the room in a bored manner, eyes landing on a worn and old picture of himself and Dean as kids with their Dad.

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Yellow eyes continued watching from the shadows, a smile passing cruel and twisted lips. Nature had done something that he could not. Nature had built an invisible wall between the boys. Memories were a tricky thing and so were emotions and when they mixed together painfully; the result could end up leaving a person vulnerable. He hadn’t thought much about it since that night at the cabin, but the look in Dean’s face when he’d told him how much John favoured Sam… the boy had wanted to deny it and sure, it wasn’t true but he knew that the boy felt like it was true and it was a fear he’d had for a long time. But he hadn’t thought about it much since then… not until now.

But those thoughts could wait. Right now he had an appointment with a slender 5’8” athletic beauty with almost golden brown hair and he intended to keep it.

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