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From the Inside

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(5 Days ago)

“What have you done Sammy?”

Sam was staring down the barrel of a gun and into hazel eyes filled with a deep regret and sorrow, emotions that were amplified ten fold in the voice.

“I thought I told you to leave me alone.” Sam’s voice on the other hand was cold and hard, uncaring and downright icy.

His brother shook his head, “I’m not gonna leave you alone. You’re my brother.”

Sam scoffed and rolled his eyes, taking a step forward, “You just don’t get it, you never will.”

“Drop the knife Sammy.” Dean demanded, his voice shaking.

“Or what?” He mocked, “You’ll shoot me?”

There was no reply, only a pleading in Dean’s eyes that repeated the request and begged to have his old Sam back.

“You don’t have the guts.”

“What’s he done to you? What happened to make you change like this?” The questions came through demanding and maybe just a little bit broken and scared.

“I’ve been saved. Saved from that pathetic life of hunting demons. I can have anything I want.”

“And what do you want?” Dean seemed almost afraid to ask.

Sam thought it over for a second before coming up with his one word answer, “Power.”

“You wanted normalcy once. You wanted to kill this bastard demon and just live…”

“That was before I saw what was really being offered. You’ll never understand…” Sam smirked. It was a smirk that had no right being on what was meant to be an innocent face.

“Sam…” Dean tried pleading again, but as his Dad had taught him way back when, emotions can be powerful allies but they can also cloud your judgement and make you drop your guard.

And as soon as Dean’s guard dropped for that mere millisecond, Sam swung his hand up and round, knocking the gun to the side and dragging the knife in his hand across the back of Dean’s gun hand. The pain caused the body to react without thinking and Dean’s grip was loosened enough for Sam’s other hand to grab the gun and turn it around on his brother.

“I’m sorry Sam.” Dean muttered, “I know I should have done more.”

“You’re pathetic Dean.” Sam mocked, aiming the gun for Dean’s head, “But I can help you. I can set you free.”

“I’m gonna haunt your arse until I stop you.” A vain attempt of a defence mechanism but that was all.

“You won’t even try.”

There was one loud bang that echoed through the trees in the park followed by a soft thump and then everything fell silent and Sam was left standing over yet another victim of tonight’s fun and games.

“Sam!” The strong protective voice of Dean broke into Sam’s nightmare and pulled him from its grips.

Sam was wrestling with the covers and with Dean but as soon as Dean repeated his name, he became perfectly still, realisation slowly dawning as he looked around and took in the motel room.

“Dean?” His voice was barely a whisper.

“I’m right here.” Dean offered, “You okay?”

Sam shook his head lightly, unsure of the answer. What the hell had he just seen? The lingering headache told him it was more than just a dream, more than just a nightmare made of up his fears. Maybe coming to this place was a bad idea… what if they couldn’t stop what was going to happen? What if Sam shot… No... It wasn’t going to happen… It couldn’t… could it?

“Sammy man, you gotta let me in. Tell me what’s going through that mind of yours.” Dean implored, “Please.”

“I thought you hated chick flick moments.” Sam teased.

“You’re beginning to get more and more like me everyday and it’s scary.” He teased right back, “So stop avoiding the subject and tell me.”

“It was just a dream.”

“Pretty screwed up dream.”

“Yeah well, you know how it is.”

“Was it the girl again?”

“No… it had nothing to do with her.”

Dean ran a hand over his face and stood up; he took to pacing across the room and sending the occasional sparing glance at Sam. Sam took to staring at his hands, imagining them doing the unthinkable, imagining them holding that knife and slitting that girls throats, imagining them holding that gun and pulling the trigger. It would be dawn soon and he could tell that there was no way he could settle his brothers mind enough for him to go back to sleep… not unless he told him.

“Dean… I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Dean asked exhaustedly.

“I… I should be able to fight it shouldn’t I?” Sam looked up from his hands and over to Dean who had now stopped pacing, “I have to try… I’m not gonna let it win.”

“Let what win?”

“The Demon… evil in general… it won’t control me.”

“I know that Sam, I know you won’t.”

“Then why do I feel like I’m just kidding myself?”

“Sam, stop it. I mean it! You’re not evil! You won’t turn evil! So just drop it, okay?”

When Sam just looked away and said nothing else, Dean cleared his throat and decided it was time for a slight subject change, “So this Hackworth Park… you got directions?”

“It’s near the centre of the town… shouldn’t be hard to spot ‘cause it’s nice and big.” Sam choked out.

“Right then, seen as we’re both awake let’s get to it. I’m claiming the hot water then I’ll get us some breakfast.”

Dean dug into his duffle bag for what he needed and disappeared behind the bathroom door no more then five minutes later, leaving Sam sitting alone on his bed, thoughts running through his head. He put his head in his hands and tried to focus on just breathing. Seeing himself kill a complete stranger was one thing but to see himself kill Dean… that was just wrong.

He’d already hurt his brother so many times, when he left for Stanford, when Dr. Ellicott tampered with his mind, when that damn Meg had possessed him… it was becoming a habit and he was afraid that the next time, Dean might not be so lucky. Besides, how much more could Dean take? How many more times could he get gunned down by the one he loves before he snaps and guns Sam down right back or just loses it and breaks?

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore, Dean.” Sam whispered, he could feel the burning sting of tears behind his closed eyelids but he refused to let the tears fall, “I just don’t know what to do to protect you.”

“Protect who?” Dean asked as he exited the bathroom, a towel hugging his hips loosely and revealing a still moist and slightly tense upper half. He hadn’t meant to but he’d just managed to catch Sam’s last few words.

“It’s nothing.” Sam answered, or rather, avoided answering. He slipped past Dean and into the bathroom without even sparing Dean a glance.

Dean turned around in time to see the bathroom door close in his face, “Dude? Did I say something?”

With no reply to his question, Dean waved his hand dismissively at the door and growled, turning his attention to getting dressed and putting the ‘talk to Sammy about his attitude problem’ on the never ending to do list.

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Neither brother spent too long in the shower, but over half an hour later when Dean had returned with breakfast and coffee, Sam was still nowhere to be seen and he could still hear the water running. It would probably be nearing freezing cold by now but Dean guessed Sammy probably needed the time to think and prepare himself for the onslaught of Dean that both of them knew was coming.

“Hey! Merman, grubs up!” Dean knocked on the door and only moved away when he heard a grumbled reply and the water stopped running.

Within minutes Sam was out the bathroom and moving towards his bed where he could get dressed. He still seemed reluctant to meet Dean’s eyes and he knew he shouldn’t be angry, but Dean felt his temper rising.

“Seriously, have I done something? Or said something?” The words came tumbling out before he could stop them as he watched Sam sit down at the table and picking up some food without even saying a word.

And he still didn’t reply.

“Damn it Sam! Talk to me!” He demanded.

“I’ve got nothing to say.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you’re not hiding anything are you?” The sarcasm was laid on so thick that it felt almost like a punch.

“Dean… please.” And Sam actually looked Dean straight in the eye, pleading with all his might.

“Fine. I’ll drop it for now but this silent treatment crap has got to stop, got it?”

“I’m sorry, I’m just…”

“Screwed up, confused… yeah, I got that.” Dean grabbed his jacket from the back of a chair and pulled his car keys out, “Hurry up and finish that, we need to check this park out.”

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